You know you’re nearing 30 when…

The other day while I was hoovering the bedroom floor and shaking my head at the poor suction of our vacuum, I caught myself wondering if I could ask Momma P for a new one for Christmas. And that’s when it hit me. I’m approaching 30. Every single day I’m a little bit closer. And every single day I come across another new habit or preference that simply wouldn’t have existed five years ago.

  1. You consider asking for a new hoover for Christmas (as long as it can fit in the cupboard)*
  2. Fresh clean-smelling sheets are the best end to a Friday night (even if they are a bugger to change)
  3. You ask people to give you ‘three rings’ when they’re home (and you understand your mums’ all-encompassing concern for you in your youth)
  4. You’re building up a wish list of clothes from Next (and the Home department is rather lovely too)
  5. Mortgage rates will nearly always come up in conversation with your friends (‘well, rent is just throwing your money away, isn’t it?’)
  6. You chat about which of your friends are going to get married next, or how long your married friends will wait before having kids (in some cases, there may even be bets placed)
  7. Before buying any new clothes (probably from Next), you check their washing instructions
  8. You now schedule your holidays around aforementioned friends’ weddings (friends who teach are particularly annoying)
  9. Anti-ageing creams are an essential part of your skincare regime, not an extravagance (and you’ve definitely changed your views on cosmetic surgery)
  10. A new series of Marple or Poirot is serious cause for celebration (you’ll even watch them real time)
  11. Tweezers are no longer used solely for eyebrows (I’ll leave that one with you…)
  12. You suspect that, rather than ground you, your parents are actually looking forward to the pitter patter of tiny feet (hold your horses, Momma P)
  13. You suddenly realise that ten years ago wasn’t the 90s (no; seriously. It wasn’t. Sob)
  14. You feel a genuine sense of fulfilment when you reach the bottom of the laundry basket (and then want to kill someone *cough* Mr T *cough* when they sully it with a dirty shirt)
  15. Even your fun-loving siblings (that’s you, Brother James), don’t get sloshed every single night of the week
  16. Fashion trends are as cyclical as Momma P said they were (slip dresses and Docs again? Already?)
  17. You’re a bit excited by the new Strictly line-up (especially that hot rugby player)
  18. Your family tree is beginning to intrigue you (I mean, who do you think you are?)
  19. As well as your iPhone, you now have an actual physical diary (and a watch)
  20. You researched the candidates for the latest round of elections
  21. Friends come round for dinner (and bring courses), and you consider specifying a ‘white-colour only’ drink rule
  22. Lakeland and Ikea are bottomless money pits (and also serious time wasters)
  23. You’re now mentoring the graduates at work (the ones that you thought you still were)
  24. People ask you for character references (and ask for them to be printed on headed paper, with contact details)
  25. Who is where for Christmas becomes incredibly stressful (The Ps? The Ts? The PTs?)
  26. Reading the news depresses you because you actually understand most of it (and even when you don’t, you take the time to google ‘what’s the difference between ISIS and IS?’)
  27. You wish you had a Costco card (and shamelessly use Momma P’s in the meantime)
  28. You’ve realised that high heels simply aren’t worth the pain most of the time (and when you do wear them, you invest in heel grips, blister plasters and cushioning insoles, as well as having an emergency pair of flats in your handbag). Admittedly, probably only a ‘thing’ for the ladies
  29. You’re now over your outrage and moved on to resignation about the price of food
  30. If someone offered to send you back to age 16, you’d say no

*You would not believe the ‘fun’ I had finding an image of a vacuum cleaner. Lots of ‘sexy’ women in ‘bikinis’, or ‘businesswomen’, or, even, little girls with toy hoovers. Pffffft.


6 thoughts on “You know you’re nearing 30 when…

  1. Rachel Powell says:

    Momma P here – I’ll be delighted to buy you a new hoover for Christmas, whether it is spent with the P’s or T’s (not sure who the PT’s are???) plus I am very happy to wait for the ‘patter of tiny feet’ (after all, I don’t feel old enough to be Grandmomma P!!) xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I live in the US and I have to admit that the differences in our language often amuse me. The fact that “hoover” is a verb for you and not just a brand name caught my attention.

    I am way past 30, likely closer to your mum’s age. I can tell you that many of these speak to me as well.


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